The Update You've All Been Waiting For...

The update you've all been waiting for... no, not that I'm cancer free. I need a little more time on that one (I'm not a miracle worker). I guess I just didn't realize it had been quite so long since I last posted... and many of you have emailed or facebooked me looking for an update. Sorry, I've been a very busy cancer patient! But it's been the good sort of busy... staying active, seeing friends, going to work, etc. Also, my computer monitor IS my TV, so I can't simultaneously watch the Olympics (which I'm obsessed with) and work on the computer... so we clearly know what won out of those two choices.

It's Feb 26th, and I'm exhausted. I mean, just down right tired, but not the type of tired that a nap cures. This is the kind of tired that makes you just want to sit and stare out the window and do nothing and hope the time passes faster. Thus, this blog post is being written in sections over the course of today... as I muster up enough energy to do it.

I've been doing ok health/energy wise. My treatments knock me out for 4-5 days, but then I'm back up and feeling 70%-80%, which is pretty good all things considered! I had a problem with the stitches not dissolving from my two surgeries. One doctor I talked to said he thought there was something about the chemo that made them not dissolve. I had bits of string sticking out of each end of my neck incision, and it kept getting infected. My oncologist tried to pull on it, but it didn't budge. Due to a snow storm the next day, my surgeon wasn't available for more invasive removal, so I saw my primary doctor. He basically cut the bottom end, and pulled the entire string (still in one piece) out of the top. On the chest scar, the string was only showing on one end. So he pulled it as much as he could, cut it, and then let the rest of the string retract back inside of me. They need to reopen that scar to remove my chemo port when this is all over anyway, so they can fish for the left over bit of twine then! I'm just glad that both scars are finally healing correctly!

So my 3rd treatment was Valentines weekend, and was super romantic. Many of you enjoyed my facebook status update in which I declared "My Valentine this year is named Cancer. I got him chemo as a gift, and we've been fighting all weekend. I don't see this relationship lasting much longer." Our fight lasted about 4-5 days. My parents were here for the first 48 hrs and kept me pretty happy and loved. I realized over that treatment that there's a certain comfort that they bring just by being here. At first, in an effort to keep things as "normal" as possible, I had hoped my friends would step in on treatment weekends and take care of me. But now, the routine that I've found with my parents, as well as just the happiness it gives me to have them here, makes me like this new "normal." My parents coming up every other weekend was certainly not something regular for me before this journey, but like the musical, something "Next To Normal" has become really nice.

My Valentines Day gifts from my parents (since Cancer only gave me a headache and nausea) included new frying pans... nothing more romantic than that! This brings me to another point: I'm in a constant stage of home improvement. Every time my parents come, they bring or find something new that I need/should have. I now own an electric griddle (so my mother can make pancakes and french toast in the morning), and 2 new frying pans, and new salt and pepper (since my mother didn't seem to like mine???). And this weekend, we added screens to my windows. On Wednesday afternoon, as I was doing work from home at my kitchen table, I saw something fall in from the open living room window. I thought it was a leaf, but couldn't seem to find it on the floor. About 5 minutes later as I was walking to my bedroom, a flutter of activity occurred, and I realized that a bird had flown in the window. I could hear my mother saying "you should really get screens for that window" in my head as I shoo'd the bird back out. The next morning as I stumbled to the bathroom half awake and turned on the light, my friend the bird was sitting in the sink. Upon hearing the story, you better believe my parents prioritized buying screens this weekend! (NOTE: my brother is coming next weekend and driving me to IKEA to pick up a few furniture items I still need. This place will be immaculate by the time I'm healthy again)

I'm finding that the treatments are not as initially severe, but last longer. It's hard to tell if I only think they last longer because there's less "daily progress" (ie. going from AWFUL to just "bleh"), or if they really are just making me tired longer. I'm also discovering fun new side effects, like stomach cramps and heart burn. This makes me feel even more like a pregnant woman (with my morning sickness and cravings). Then again, I'm the one who insisted on eating chili and buffalo chicken on Super Bowl Sunday, since I wanted it to feel like "every other Super Bowl". I already had heartburn going into it... and boy did that just make it worse!

Speaking of the Super Bowl, my parents got together for the game with some of their friends, and the day included some "craft time". Some of the ladies are making bracelets, pins, bookmarks, and key chains to benefit the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society. If anyone is interested in buying one, let me know. Here are some pictures of them crafting...

I've been watching A LOT of the Olympics (I'm a bit of a junkie... and hey, there's not a whole lot else that I can do!). Of course, the heartwarming back stories and triumphs would normally make me weepy... but with my current messed up hormones, I'm just a mess! My friend Chi is originally from Vancouver and went back home to see the games. She's tracked a lot of it on her blog, which has been great! She even sent me photos from the Latvia vs Slovakia hockey game. She and I visited Slovakia together in June 2008 and had a blast!

In addition to watching the Olympics a lot, I've also been pretty social the past few weeks. (See, I told you I was busy!) I had some friends over for dinner/tv, saw a Broadway show (for free), saw Christine Ebersole's cabaret show at the Carlyle Hotel (also for free, and dinner included for free... see, I can still work it!), had lunch with my old roommate who was in town, and even got to see a bunch of friends get trashed in front of me at a party! I stuck with cherry seltzer, which they warned me to consume with moderation. I'm rocking the skull cap below. My hair has thinned out a lot, but hasn't completely fallen out. I was right... there's no beating the Portuguese genetics!

This week's chemo treatment was a bit shaken up by the big snow storm we got in NYC (20" in Central Park). Seeing that the storm was starting on Thursday and not ending until late on Friday, I knew my regularly scheduled appointment at 1230 on Friday was in jeopardy. So I worked the phone and landed an appointment with my oncologist's parter in the Manhattan office on Thursday afternoon. The snow was already falling pretty heavily, and things were a mess... so I barely squeezed it in. Luckily my white blood cell count was high enough, and they gave me the treatment then. My friend Mike was my hero of the week and left work early to take care of me for the afternoon/evening.

My parents left Providence (where it was raining) at 7:20 PM and headed straight into the snow storm to be with me. Upon exiting Penn Station at 11:00 PM, they realized just quite how hard it was snowing here! They were covered in snow while waiting in the taxi line, and the wind was blowing at 40-50 mph. None of the taxis they could find would go to Queens because the roads were so bad. My mother finally played the "cancer card" (way to go!) and gave a cabbie the sob story of her sick son that she needed to get to in Astoria. Though it was an incredibly rocky and slow cab ride, they eventually made it to my apartment, where they looked much like snow men upon arriving. All that they went through in traveling through the snow storm reminds me of how much they love me and would really do anything for me. I'm continually grateful for how wonderful and supportive my parents have been through this whole ordeal!

That more or less brings us up to date. I have a few cute things to post (pictures of me in hats that people have sent, etc.), but I'll wait and post those this week. Thanks to everyone for the continual prayers, thoughts, and messages. I'm doing well in large part due to the smiles that your support brings to my face. I got quite possibly the BEST care package in the mail from my Aunt Jocelyn, Uncle Richie, and cousins Rebecca and Jessica (with the aid of my grandmother). I'm not going to say what's in it just yet, as I want it to remain a surprise for my brother who is coming to visit next week. Don't worry, there will be photos!

Ryan's Hair... THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

(A special thanks to everyone who submitted photos for this!)

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, since I was in 8th grade, I have always put some sort of time, effort, and product into my hair. In eighth grade, this is the beautiful finished product that I was going for...

No one has yet found a picture of me with shoulder length hair. KEEP LOOKING. Or, perhaps its best that we not re-live that. Anyway, by the middle of high school, I had gotten to a conventional, non-attention grabbing, though heavily gelled and hairsprayed, style.

For the first year and a half of college, the hair was still pretty conventional

With the exception of the blue tinted gel and glitter from Pippin (this is the best photo I could find. I feel super old thinking about how no one had a digital camera in 2002)

Then came the haircut that changed my life (along with the advent of digital photography). The infamous Korean makeover from April 2003!

Try as i might, I never seemed to get it exactly the same again. Instead, over the next year, it just got...

bigger (note: Tanya Chavez is the only person I know who has had more hair colors and styles than me. The extensions she has here are wonderful)

and shapelier (notice how i actually have created a diamond here)

and weirder (not that the brown western influenced leisure suit helps this picture any)

oh wait... and even weirder (GO 1980s FLOCK OF SEAGULLS)

By my senior year, it just got longer in a much more controlled, yet hippie way...

Even after I graduated and got a job, it still stayed long. I think this photo from Winter 2005-2006 was my rock bottom moment. Worst dye job ever, on top of the most razor-hacked, over textured cut ever. Was I trying to match my hair with the pattern on my scarf???

I know I cut my hair by summer 2006 for my brother's wedding. I didn't want to mess up his wedding photos with a crazy hairstyle (ahem... your welcome).

I remember thinking it was ridiculously short, and didn't know how to style it. Somehow, as it grew back in, I fell into the faux-hawk... a hairstyle that I loathed in college. (Then again, did you see my hairstyles in college? Who was I to talk?)

Then there were big bangs cemented up (almost Jersey Shore-ish)

And then I had this weird square topped thing with bangs down

Then I went back to the faux hawk look for a while, before having the brilliant idea that I should combine the bangs down approach with the faux hawk! I think I wanted to be David Cook by this point)

Apparently by May 2009 I thought that if I moved the faux hawk off center, it some how made it acceptable.

By this fall, I'd tamed it down. After all, I was a working professional with a graduate degree.

And then in January, I started a new phase. Many people have complimented it, and I've vowed to keep it this way until at least September, regardless of how long my treatments take me. Who knows, maybe I'll keep it, and this will be the end of my varying crazy hairstyles? Cancer does open your eyes to a lot of new things... maybe even a new image!

This Wasn't The Week I'd Planned

So as luck (or science... or prayer) would have it, my white blood cells came back up and I was able to get my treatment on Monday. I had been rather pessimistic about my white blood cell count, especially since I'd been very sniffly all weekend and felt that all my extra white blood cells must be going to fight that. But it was a nice surprise and I was glad (how ironic) to get the injections.

Oddly enough, the treatment didn't hit me as hard as the last time. My friend from NYU, Jackie, came over to "babysit" me that afternoon. She does a lot of that in general, and said I was better behaved than most of the kids she looks after! As we were talking, I told her that at some point when the drugs really hit me, I would just randomly get up and announce that I needed to sleep. That's how I remember the treatment hitting me last time. But instead, after almost 90 minutes of hanging out, I still felt decent. Not great... but not "I need to sleep NOW" bad. I'm grateful that this round didn't knock me out as much as the previous, but I think it's also made the recovery process less easy to mark. I remember last time being encouraged that the first day was a 2, the second day was a 4, and the third day was a 6. This time, all three days just seemed like a 4-5. It's hard to be encouraged by no marked daily improvement.

Nevertheless, day four started like a 5 and ended like a 7, so that's good! I was nauseous and tired in the morning, and ate very light for lunch. But sitting here, typing on the couch to you, I'm stuffing my face with baked lays and starbursts... so something went right! My friend Jack texted me the previous night to see if I wanted to go see A View From The Bridge with him tonight. Though I wasn't feeling great, I said yes anyway. If I can sit on my couch and watch TV, then I can sit in a theater and watch live people do what people on TV do. Plus, I hadn't seen a show in a really long time, and this one looked really good (Scarlett Johansson and Liev Schrieber in an Arthur Miller classic!? These are the things that get me excited!! I was trying to think of two sports stars in some type of big sporting event that was comparable, but I got bored and decided to move on with writing the blog). ANYWAY, I went, had a great time, and proved to myself that I can still do something that I have always loved doing (even 4 days after a treatment).

I have to say, the other big booster of my spirits this week has been my almost eight month old nephew, Luke. Now, most people know that I have NEVER been a children person. But something about just looking at a picture of him makes me smile. I mean, watch this video of him playing peekaboo in the bathtub and tell me that you're not smiling!!??!! I can't tell you how many times I've watched that in the past few days. I hear he may be coming to visit me soon, and I'm super excited! :-)

This weekend I'll post more pictures of famous Ryan hairstyles that I've received and found in my own archives. I've also received several hats in the mail and will model those in pictures for everyone to see too (trust me, some of them are a hoot!)