Extremes

So this most recent round of chemo was marked by extremes. On the one hand, it was the most nauseous I've ever been, a whole new level of fatigue, and seemed to take forever to get over. On the other, once I was feeling better, I felt the best I've been in months. I was able to be more active: seeing plays, meeting friends for dinner, working longer days, and even moving and assembling furniture! If someone told me that I was completely done with cancer, I would believe them.

And then it's time for another treatment... and it's like a slap in the face and my game piece moves back to the start space.

Extremely troubling this past week was also the news that my treatment would last for 6 cycles (12 weeks). Before my staging had been finalized, the doctor mentioned that maybe I'd get away with only 4 cycles, rather than 6. Feeling as well as I have, I asked him at my last blood work appointment what he thought. He said he believed that I'd be on the shorter, rather than longer side, of treatment. I was extremely excited and envisioned being done with all this by the end of May! Unfortunately, he meant the shorter side for my staging: 6 cycles, rather than 8 cycles. Apparently no one with my staging gets less than 6 cycles. So it looks like the chemo finish line is the end of June, set in stone. The good news is that the last treatment is scheduled the weekend before my birthday, so I'll have a whole lot to celebrate! I'm still planning on doing my Elementary School Style Field Day in Central Park the weekend after... and it will be bigger and better than ever!

Of course, I still have 1 month of radiation after that... but I'm told that's a lot easier than the chemo. It's like the last mile of my tour de france style chemo race is all downhill. I hope!

Derek, Beth, and Luke came to visit me this past weekend. It was great to see them and to play with Luke (when he wasn't eating, sleeping, or being cranky in transition to and from those two activities). He wouldn't let me give him a bottle, but he did take a cheerio from me... so we're making progress! I also got to push him in his brand new red stroller as we walked the streets of NYC. Here are some pictures...

Exhausted after being pushed around the city for a bit.

Attempting to eat his stackable cups... a favorite past time.

Notice the Huggies over his shoulder. Perfect baby model... but Beth said no way. :-(

Practicing walking toward Uncle Ryan

So I wanted to take that classic "we're out at a bar, hold the camera at arms length and take a picture of us so we can post it on facebook and remember how awesome we were" photo... I don't think Luke was feeling it as much as I was!

There are more photos of Luke's visit to NYC on his own blog (my biggest competition). I have to admit that being sick and getting pictures and cards from Luke made me question my desire to have kids. My staunch "never" position was softening to "well, maybe". However, after spending the weekend with Luke, I'm firmly back on my "never" post. Not that I didn't have a wonderful time and got lots of cheer from being with him... but aye, so much work... and another person's feelings and needs to take into account. Being in a relationship involves enough "thinking of the other"... I can't imagine being in a relationship AND having to think of what the child needs too for 18+ years. No thanks! I'll keep being fabulous instead.

Tonight, at the advice of my United Healthcare Special Case Worker, I tried doing yoga. Went out and bought a mat, got a DVD, and hit it! What I learned:

1) I wouldn't mind yoga so much if they cut out the "find your light... breathe from your ankles... namaste" crap. It makes me giggle and ruins my deep yoga breathing.

2) My left shoulder is still messed up from when I tore my labrum in Nov 2008. FANTASTIC. My regular strength training at the gym was keeping it strong (after the 4 months of physical therapy it took me to heal it), but it looks like my 3 months absence has lifting has left it pathetic.

3) My yoga mat smells like rubber... even after I febreezed it

4) Though I will keep trying it because it's supposed to help maintain muscle tone during the treatment, this isn't for me.

I have another treatment on Friday (#5), so keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the weekend. Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive: sending me emails, cards, spending time with me, etc. I continue to feel so grateful and blessed to have this much support and know it will help me get through the four months of chemo that I have left!

Oddly enough, I'm really looking forward to being a cancer survivor. :-)