The Beginning

So here's the beginning...

After 2 months of neck pain which I swore was just tension from work, I finally saw the doctor after my mother and a family friend felt my neck over Christmas and thought those "knots" where not muscle knots but glands. I made an appointment with my PCP for 12/29/09, and dinner plans with my friend Mike afterwards (since this wasn't going to take long). Though first looking at me like I was crazy, the doctor's tone quickly changed after he felt my neck. He called in his partner in the practice and they started speaking medical talk way above my head. Bottom line, I should go to the hospital that night and get it checked out, as the impending New Years Eve holiday would mess things up on Weds, Thurs, and Fri. Starving, I asked if I could quickly have dinner with Mike before the hospital and they said yes. Though a nervous and concerned Mike cooked me something with mushrooms (which I despise), it was nice to eat something and grab a book from his library before the marathon ER experience.

After 4 hours in the ER, a chest xray, some blood work, an EKG, and a CAT scan, my doctor arrived to tell me that they had found a soft mass in my upper chest that was 10 cm x 8 cm (pretty freakin huge as far as soft masses go!). This was an ABSOLUTE SHOCK to me and not at all what I was thinking I would hear. He said it was concerning for lymphoma, and basically, had no other valuable information for me except the referral number for a cardiothorastic (big word) surgeon.

Shortly after midnight, as I left the ER shocked and disturbed, I passed by friend Matthew's apartment. I called him and he was still awake. However, I couldn't really talk (how odd to call someone so late and not say anything). I managed to get out that I was on my way home from the hospital, and that he should come over. He told me to come upstairs while he got changed quickly. Seeing that I was clearly upset, he asked what was wrong. I just handed him the lab results and stood there crying. Of course, if you don't normally read lab results, you have no idea what you're looking for. So after a minute of really trying to figure out what the heck he was seeing, Matthew asked for clarification of what he was looking for. (For those who said that I "came out" with lymphoma very clearly, I say it just depends on who you ask!) I pointed out the section, whimpered more, there was a big hug and i lost it. Later at my own place, Mike came over and I handed him the results too (Matthew was there to point to the appropriate sections). It was a TOUGH night, but after discussing it a bit and vowing to fight it, we started talking about other subjects which lifted my spirits and got my mind off of it a bit. I'm truly grateful to them for being there in my darkest hour, giving me strength, and helping distract me from the scariness.

The next morning I had to call my parents, which I clearly was not looking forward to. I called my father on his drive to work and advised him to call me back when he was at the office (and no longer operating heavy machinery). As I like to call it, he jumped into "Health Care King" mode. I'm truly blessed to have such a tremendous health resource at my disposal. The information and expert opinions he obtain in the first few hours really helped ease my mind. I then called my mother, who was dizzied by the information, stopped writing, and just starting listening. Both phone calls were tough, and I bawled after hanging up on each. It's not really a conversation you ever think that you'll have, and it's so much harder over the phone rather than in person. Lots of deep breaths.

I spent the rest of the morning going back and forth with updates, telling my brother, trying to figure out if my new health insurance would cover this, and scheduling a "come in right away" style appointment with my cardiothorastic surgeon, Dr. Lajam. He confirmed a lot of what I'd already learned via some experts at BCBSRI. It felt good to have 2 people saying the same thing: it's common in my age group among males, it's very easily treatable, and it has a high recovery rate.

Dr. Lajam helped me understand that my tumor was pressing against some important veins coming up from my heart. He likened it to a 4 lane highway becoming a 1 lane highway; there's congestion and more traffic on side roads. Basically, the smaller veins going to the same place were getting more blood and pressure, causing them to swell. I believe this is called Supra Vena Cava Syndrome. My tumor was also pressing against my trachea, slightly restricting air flow. He wanted to do the biopsy the next day, but with the holiday, it was impossible. So we scheduled it for Monday.

I went into work after the doctor's appointment to abuse their fax machine. Both my coworkers were there, so I told them. They were extremely supportive, and I'm sure like me, nervous and scared! But we were all optimistic, and I shared with them my desire to keep things as normal as possible throughout all this, including work. I made several other phone calls that afternoon and evening to tell some close friends. I swear, I need to upgrade my phone plan with Verizon. It's probably the most I've used a cell phone in one week!